Spoiler Alert: George Clooney Smells Like Soap

The jig is up: Perfection does exist. And it lives in Clark Gable‘s multi-bajillion-dollar house. Oh, and it’s a dog person.

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Or at least according to Esquire‘s Tom Junod:

He has a long neck, upon which his long head, adorned by long ears, wobbles like a tulip. Everything is to scale with him. Many people have long eyelashes; he has lashes as long on the bottom as they are on the top… He has recently showered, and a careful modicum of product lifts his hair off his forehead. He has surprisingly fine hands. He smells like soap.

Okay, okay, rub it in a little more. Clearly Mr. Junod was too distracted by Clooney’s eyelashes to ask about his love life. I suppose that’s how the man of mystery wins everyone over – chivalry and charm. They’re so flattered that personal inquires seem insulting.

So until one brave soul manages to break his shell (has Oprah tried yet?), we’ll just have to settle for perfection.

Read the full profile at Esquire.

By Julia Ivins, Staff Writer

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November 20, 2013